After all these years of hearing about different ways people scam free rides on the Budapest metro, this morning I finally witnessed the be-all and end-all technique for beating the system. At the top of the escalator in the M3 station at Ferenciek tere was a typical squad of three BKV ellenőrök - two dudes and a dumpy woman - actively checking tickets and passes. The woman asks a guy in his 20s coming off the escalator for his pass, and he ignores her and keeps walking. She calls after him and he keeps ignoring her, so she starts following him, politely but loudly asking him to stop and present his ticket or pass. At which point he turns around, says something along the lines of suck it, bitch and nonchalantly walks away, leaving the ellenőrnő standing there, quietly muttering to herself. All I can say is that, if ancient Rome had a metro, it probably ended like this.

Tired of paying to park on the street in Budapest? Well, you may be in luck, because the recent spate of snowstorms has led to a wholly new and excellent way to screw the system. According to tabloid Bors, a debate over who is responsible for clearing the snow off of parked cars has led to a moratorium on the handing out of parking tickets on cars with snow-encrusted windshields.

How's this for stupid: A BKV bus driver was forced to quit after he uploaded a video of himself (above) singing silly songs and cheerfully cursing his "stupid" passengers, while being towed in a bus that had broken down because - by his own admission - he had been driving too fast. [nol.hu]

If you're reading this, odds are you're not in or near a car, bus or truck on the road somewhere in Hungary. And given the crush of ugly motoring accident stories we've run across over the past few snow-packed days, it's probably a good idea to just stay wherever you are. No joke:

• Several children who had been injured in a road accident were injured again when a bus ran into the ambulance they were riding in. The three kids and the driver of the car they were in were first injured when a school bus collided with them on Route 35 between Hajdúböszörmény and Pród. Two ambulances were sent to the scene, and while the injured were being attended to, another bus ran into one of the ambulances, pushing it into the other, re-injuring two of the three kids, as well as a police officer who was securing the scene. [mno.hu]
• A man was run down by a Bulgarian tractor-trailer while he was trying to help the driver of a broken-down van on the M5 motorway near Kistelek on Tuesday. He was transported to a Szeged hospital by helicopter where he remains in critical condition. [nol.hu]
• A pedestrian was rushed to the hospital in critical condition after they were run over by a snowblower at the intersection of Szentmihályi út and Régi Fóti út in District XV on Saturday. It was said to be the victim's fault, because the driver of snowblower couldn't see there was a pedestrian crossing, perhaps because of all the snow they were blowing. [nol.hu]

Ever heard of the European Cities Against Drugs network? If not, no sweat, because we're not in it anymore! Serious: Last week the Budapest city government decided to quit the ECAD, which the Hungarian capital had belonged to since 1994. One reason: They didn't want to pay the €10,000 annual membership fee. Which seems pretty steep when you consider that, thanks to the growing availability of cocaine in Budapest, that 10 grand could buy a whole kilo of high-quality gak. [origo.hu]

It's funny enough that a local company is running a special promotion offering a free trip to Tunisia to anyone buying a gravestone. Funnier still is that last year Budapest Deputy Mayor Miklós Hagyó was embroiled in a scandal involving the pimping of private funeral services, and allegedly has business interests in Tunisia! Bonus goof: the URL parlimentko.hu ("parliament stone"). [homar.blog.hu]

Police in the Vas County town of Bük recently made a surprising collar in the form of a naked Czech man so drunk he forgot where he was staying and barged into a local home, refusing to leave. The drunken Czech was taken by ambulance to a psychiatric in Szombathely. No details on how he lost his clothes, or whether the shock of Hungarian beer may have caused his derangement. [atv.hu]

A body found in the shrubs bordering the parking lot of Budapet's Lurdy Ház shopping center last week has been identified as belonging to a homeless person. Despite earlier concerns, the 62-year-old man was not murdered, but simply died from being out in the bitter cold for too long. So no problem! [stop.hu]

Fish bowls and round bird cages would be banned and only dogs and hoofed animals allowed to be tied to posts if a proposed regulation on the keeping of pets is passed. Government Spokesman Domokos Szollár said the new regulation would also mandate a special permit for the running of pet shops, and an annual checkup by the authorities. Meanwhile, the selling of animals which die without their parents' care would be prohibited. One pet shop owner said the last point raises difficult practical questions, as baby mice tend to die when separated from their mothers, but when they get older they aren't so good for feeding to other animals. One solution: feed the animals politicians instead. [fmh.hu]

Despite Hungary's reputation as the world capital of porn, it is known primarily for run of the mill on-screen emotionless sex. A discovery by police earlier this week, however, seems to validate unpronounceably-named journalist Vujity Tvrtko's allegations that there's more than just some wholesome gangbanging going on. As you can see from the video above (probably safe for work, but do you want to explain to your boss why you were looking at it?), police raided a BDSM porn set in north Budapest mid-shoot, where women were being beaten all for the joy of some people who really should rather be spending their money on therapy sessions than watching this kind of sick shit.

Hungary's legendary swashbuckling bank robber Attila Ambrus, better known by his nickname The Whiskey Robber has apparently been rehabilitated during his time spent behind bars, or at least he insists he has. During his time in the clink for the string of robberies he committed in the late 1990s, Ambrus earned his degree in communications from the Dunaujváros College's distance learning program. Ambrus added that he's spent his time in jail coming to terms with his past, and realizes he has no one to blame but himself. He's also taken up an interest in pottery, and is learning English, maybe in the hopes of getting a bit part in that movie that's allegedly being made of his life but that we've yet to hear anything about lately. [atv.hu]

An off-duty police officer in Hajdúszoboszló made off with a whopping Ft 1000 (€3.70) from a drugstore recently. The police announced that the officer will be punished, and will have to appear before a committee, which will decide whether or not to fire him or her. Police did not mention what was stolen however, leading us to guess if it was shampoo, deodorant, lipstick, or something embarrassing? [origo.hu]